Letters From Dada Land: The Patent

TO:
United States Patent and Trademark Office
USPTO Madison Building
600 Dulany Street
Alexandria, VA 22314

To Whom It May Concern,

We wish to inquire about the possibility, and moreover the probability of acquiring a patent for a new invention we’ve created.

During the past year, we’ve been working on creating our new recorded album. In doing so we realized that not only were we creating new compositions but we have actually invented a new genre of music. It’s called Happy Face Music.

The music actually has a unique and direct correlation to the listeners mood and facial expressions.

We’ve discussed with Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman who is the Director of the Center for Positive Psychology and Professor of Psychology at Penn State University who said “we ran a number of control tests against other styles of music and found that these recordings do in fact have a definitive positive impact on the listener due, in part, to its unique spectogram soundprint.”

Now, we’re not sure if you can trademark a music genre but we wish to protect our valuable creation to the fullest extent of the law.

Please let us know if this is possible and the next steps.

Yours,

Stefan Engblom and Olof Cornéer – Presidents of Dada Land

LETTERS FROM DADA LAND: Smile Mask Syndrome

Dear Susan,

We wanted to bring to your attention a matter of great concern effecting your employees.
As The New York Times recently reported, Smile Mask Syndrome is a serious psychological disorder in which subjects develop depression and physical illness as a result of prolonged unnatural smiling. This is most commonly found in individuals working in the service and retail industry.

As Director of HR we assume you would want to prevent any such disorders affecting your employees.

We think you will be interested to hear that we produce the world’s only medically certified smile replacement mask. We have used them at our gatherings so people can’t be sad.

Additionally Dr. Senut Gib of Uppsala University recently published a paper in the Journal of Scientific and Industrial Research showing how our product reduced Smile Mask Syndrome by up to 48.4%.

As per your website the Mall of America has over 10,000 year-round staff, and we believe in our product so much that we have arranged for 10,000 of our Smile Masks to be shipped to your office free of charge. If you don’t see a reduction in Smile Mask Syndrome then you can return the masks to us free of charge at the enclosed address.